My Weird Relationship with Music
Updated: Feb 27, 2018
Music is my oldest friend. We've been together since the dawn of time and we're the same person. As a human soul, music is who I go to when I'm in pain. Not only do I listen to music, but music always listens to me too. It feels me. It doesn't judge me. It nurtures me.
But as a professional songwriter...
I find music to be the most frustrating, emotionally draining, time consuming art form of them all to create! And it's noisy and inconvenient!
The songs just want to come through me. They don't care where I am or what I'm doing. They have a message and I'm in charge of conveying it. Sometimes I ball my eyes out when a song comes through me. It's like, where did that come from? Who made that? It can be scary and intimidating to feel so deeply about what you're saying and then also emotionally charged to hear the beauty of harmonic vibration and rhythm supporting your words. It does and has always felt spiritual to me.
It also makes me feel incredibly vulnerable at times. Think about what singer/songwriters do on stage. You're literally standing isolated on a stage in front of people with your mouth gaping open singing your life to music. How weird is that?
I was once in a rehearsal space singing opera in college and I sang a note so big and filled my body with so much vibration, that afterward, I ran into the corner and sat in a fetal position for ten minutes wondering what happened. It kinda freaked me out.
There is an ancient power in music to unleash emotion and heal wounds. I can't claim to fully understand it yet. I only know I'm supposed to make more of it. I'm supposed to continue with it. We've been on an odd, sacred journey since I was born and I don't want it to stop. Even if it scares me.
I plan on being completely petrified when recording my next album. I started the writing process and it's deep AF and the most personal of my albums so far. I'll also be playing more instruments and challenging my musicianship on new levels. I'm super excited about that part.
Sometimes the things that scare us are really just there to dare us. Music has been taunting me my whole life to learn more, share more, be more. What is scaring and daring you right now? It might just be your calling. ;)
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